Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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