xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we're making bets on your personal life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
