well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
