it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
