I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
