I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
