should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
