I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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