it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
