Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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