that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
