Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
