She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
