Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
