Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
