I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
