Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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