Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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