We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
