Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up under a house in Key West
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