I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
