So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
