I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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