Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
