I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix