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Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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