i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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