No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to