So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I intend to get homeless drunk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize