The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
