I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
