Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
