dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
