in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
