and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
