people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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