tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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