I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.