I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's rum buckets o'clock
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
