you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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