were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.