with your own penis?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying