I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
