that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
