can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
