just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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