I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
