I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
