umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
