I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
