The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
