last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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