I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
