I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
