Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
