I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
