Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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