he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
