I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
