May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"