I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
