I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street