My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
