I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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