I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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