I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
