That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
