I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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