Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
