I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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