Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
