I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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