I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
