So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
