she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
