YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
