How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
