Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
