areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
