I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
