Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
