i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
