Duck Duck Cougar?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
