On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
