dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
