I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
