I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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