i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
